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Posts Tagged ‘Worried’

I haven’t updated about Dad in quite a while so I thought I would take a little time now while my little one sleeps. She keeps me pretty busy these days and as a result, the blogging tends to get put on the back burner. I want to try and be better about posting about our journey, Dad and our memories. We’ve had a pretty good summer and I can hardly believe October is upon us, already. I have a lot of catch up posting to do so hopefully I’ll get to it soon.

Overall, Dad has been doing well lately. While he still battles daily with some hallucinations, they aren’t nearly as bad as a few months ago. In general, he’s still worried about his “friends” stealing things around the house so everything is hidden, the cabinets, pantry door and refrigerator are barricaded after each use with kitchen utensils. Some times, Dad will jump up from his chair and run to the front door to make sure someone is not breaking in. It’s a bit frustrating when you put down your glasses for a minute and they’ve disappeared and Dad doesn’t remember where he’s hid them for safe keeping. Needless to say, things go missing for weeks until it’s finally uncovered. We’re getting used to it but it’s still frustrating we can’t put anything down for two seconds without it disappearing.

Aside from those issues, things have been much better around here. Dad is aware he’s been doing well, too. He’s eager to go out each day and go to the movies, have lunch or run errands. He’s helping around the house with setting the dinner table and wiping it clean after each use. He picks up the dog poop each day and gets the mail every morning. The only household chore he struggles with but insists on doing is taking out the trash. No matter how many times we tell him, show him, change the position of the cans, Dad always puts the trash into the recycle bin and the recycles in the trash. Despite printing the words “RECYCLE” and “TRASH” on each can, he still mixes it up. So every time he takes the trash out, we have to follow behind and switch it around.

I think Dad is also enjoying have his granddaughter around. He does so well with her and every now and then, he’ll just get up on his own and start playing with Baby on the floor. It’s so wonderful to watch the two of them and I try to grab my camera and snap a shot or two so I’ll always have that memory for Baby.

Well, Baby is starting to stir so I’ll stop here for now. Hope all is well with all my readers.

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Mom has been having quite a difficult time with Dad lately. His hallucinations are constant and terrifying, and, the lack of sleep is quite a problem. As frustrating and worrisome it is for Mom in dealing with Dad’s latest cycle of hallucinations and sleeplessness, we all can’t help but wonder what Dad must be feeling and thinking. Mom overheard Dad the other day telling his hallucinations, “Mom says you’re not really here, go away, leave me alone” followed by “If this keeps up I don’t know how much longer I can go on.” I suspect the latter part of his statement was in reference to warding off the offenders as to keep the house and family safe rather than relating to ending his life or anything like that. He’s running on empty with no sleep- completely strung out- and I think it’s obviously wearing him down. Yet, Dad is compelled to keep protecting us from the bad people in his hallucinations.

When Dad is dealing with his hallucinations it’s like he’s in another world and we can’t snap him out of it. With that in mind, it was rather surprising to hear Dad had actually taken on board what Mom told him about the hallucinations. Mostly we try to reassure Dad that everything is okay and no one is here or we kick out the offenders, depending on the situation. Of course the offenders return to torment Dad and then Dad resumes his duty of protecting the family and running around the house and outside to ward off the danger.

As a result of the hallucinations, Dad is also resorting to locking up the fridge at night with various poles and what not. Mom recently bought some gifts for the baby and Dad is obsessed with them. He’s constantly protecting them and even sleeps with them because the bad people want to steal the baby gifts. Whenever the phone goes missing, it’s immediately the fault of the people in his hallucinations. Things are going missing from around the house- most likely from Dad hiding them from the bad people. Poor Puppy isn’t allowed out of the house because Dad thinks people are going to hurt her. Before, when we would go out for lunch or run errands, the hallucinations would stop but now Mom finds Dad carrying on with his hallucinations in public. There is some worry that for now, the ability to venture out for the both of them is numbered until hopefully he rolls in to a new cycle. Until a new cycle transitions, Dad greets each day only to be tortured by his hallucinations and poor Mom is left to pick up the pieces.

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In a lot of ways, Dad has been doing better. He’s was willing to swim, do some puzzles, he showers and dresses himself, gets his own breakfast and so forth. Unfortunately, improvement in those areas means something else has got to give. In this case it results in sleepless nights, hallucinations, constant worry and anxiety for Dad. He is unable to relax or sit still for more than 5 minutes mostly due to hallucinations. He’s constantly worried someone is trying to break in to the house or someone is outside. All throughout the night, he’s jumping out of bed with a stick (or whatever he can find) swinging left and right to ward off whatever it is he thinks he see and hears. He’s always opening and closing the front door to protect the fortress- day and night. Poor Mom hasn’t had any sleep and it’s making her sick. No matter how we try to reassure Dad that everything is okay and nothing bad is going to happen, he just can’t accept it. He’s so focused on protecting the house. Poor Puppy can’t even go out in to the backyard to do her business without him chasing her back inside… she’s miserable just as much as Mom. He’s literally awake all hours of the night and if Mom is lucky, Dad will maybe sleep at 5am just to be up an hour later. They’re running on empty. After several days of no sleeping, Dad will eventually crash and sleep the night through but then it’s back to another several days of the same sleepless nights and hallucinations.

Mom took Dad to the Neurologist the other week and overall the Neurologist was really pleased with Dad and said he was much better than last time. His opinion was that the insomnia and hallucinations could be part of the roller coaster cycle or it could be because the VA changed some of his meds. The Neuro decided to change some of his medication back to the original prescription (slowly) and gave Mom some free samples to help with the out-of-pocket expense which was really nice. I feel much better having Dad back on the Neuro’s meds rather than some “equivalent” the VA gave out because it’s cheaper for them. I told Mom she needs to contact the VA and tell them what they gave is causing some ill effects and this would be cause to go back to the original prescribed brands- costs picked up by the VA. One step at a time I guess. For now, I just hope Mom can get some sleep and Dad can settle down. As frustrating as it is for Mom to deal with no sleep and constant hallucinations, we can only imagine what it must be like for Dad and the constant terror that consumes him daily, driving him to protect his family. It breaks our hearts.

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